This post was inspired by a post by Suburbia...
Back in the old days I used to drink. Seems like very old days now, I'm about 2 weeks off hitting 6 years sobriety - amazing! You know I look back sometimes and it's almost like watching an old movie with some bloke I used to vaguely know in it. Odd. True though that I do feel at times very disconnected from that old persona of mine.
Here's one little example. Back in the old days when I used to drink I often used to say "I love you" to my wife. However just as often and I think on occasions more than I'd say that I'd say "Do you love me?".
Early on as I was sobering up I realised how dumb this was. Why did I need to keep asking? Insecurity; obviously but also because the relationship was all about me not about her and not about a partnership of love.
I had blinding flash one day - well sort of - which was all I could do was love her and hope that the love was reciprocated but if not there is nothing I can do about it. It all comes from the adopted prayer of AA
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference".
So now I don't seek the love of my wife or my children or the respect of my friends and colleagues. All I can do is do my best living my life by my code of good, bad, right, wrong etc. and trust that I'll get thier love and respect back. I cannot demand it and conversely if in living my life my way others don't like, love or respect me you know what... that is fine, that is their privilege and again there is nothing I can do about it but accept it.