The cork has popped
Just like a cork shooting out of a champagne bottle my post the other day has released a lot of bottled up tension. Firstly thank you to all who commented etc. your kind words meant a lot to me.
Here is the thing - see I often get to the point of taking it all inward that it is only me who gets like this etc. etc. I internalise, I don't see the wider picture, I get on a downward spiral of negativity and find it difficult to break out. But I know the things like "first things first", "don't try to fix all your problems in one day", etc. etc. I tell this stuff to others enough in the rooms of AA or on their blogs! But can I easily do it myself - er... in a word NO! But as I say the release of finally getting it out there has been a real help to me.
So a new attitude etc. Almost instantly there has been a meeting about funding and projects and at least one of the big ones has biten the dust. On the other ongoing work I had two meetings that very day - one of them was described by someone in it as "strangely productive" - he saw my look and he said "we need more people like you who come in here and shake it up and just try to get on with it"... notice he said "try to get on with it"... I was reminded of my old bosses joke at times about "activity not achievement" I should be measuring myself on what I have done to try and get something done even if it fails due to other reasons. Frankly I think the leadership might regret this as I'll be bombarding them with lots of recommendations, plans for approval/endorsement etc. If they want this stuff done then I want at least a part of their anatomy on the block alongside my neck :-)
So the answer is as I swelter here in the lunchtime heat of a late May London Friday that I'm in a much much better space than I was a few days back. Alright I'm not skipping to work but I'm not having that awful emotional dread I was experiencing for the last week or so.
Again to all those who commented/emailed etc. much much appreciated for making me see that I'm not the only one and that I need to turn the things around into positive actions where I can. Plus also I shouldn't take myself so seriously either.
Here is the thing - see I often get to the point of taking it all inward that it is only me who gets like this etc. etc. I internalise, I don't see the wider picture, I get on a downward spiral of negativity and find it difficult to break out. But I know the things like "first things first", "don't try to fix all your problems in one day", etc. etc. I tell this stuff to others enough in the rooms of AA or on their blogs! But can I easily do it myself - er... in a word NO! But as I say the release of finally getting it out there has been a real help to me.
So a new attitude etc. Almost instantly there has been a meeting about funding and projects and at least one of the big ones has biten the dust. On the other ongoing work I had two meetings that very day - one of them was described by someone in it as "strangely productive" - he saw my look and he said "we need more people like you who come in here and shake it up and just try to get on with it"... notice he said "try to get on with it"... I was reminded of my old bosses joke at times about "activity not achievement" I should be measuring myself on what I have done to try and get something done even if it fails due to other reasons. Frankly I think the leadership might regret this as I'll be bombarding them with lots of recommendations, plans for approval/endorsement etc. If they want this stuff done then I want at least a part of their anatomy on the block alongside my neck :-)
So the answer is as I swelter here in the lunchtime heat of a late May London Friday that I'm in a much much better space than I was a few days back. Alright I'm not skipping to work but I'm not having that awful emotional dread I was experiencing for the last week or so.
Again to all those who commented/emailed etc. much much appreciated for making me see that I'm not the only one and that I need to turn the things around into positive actions where I can. Plus also I shouldn't take myself so seriously either.
I read your last post and one of the first things that occurred to me was "Could you imagine having that shitty of a work experience with a hangover??"
ReplyDeleteMy gratitude check is always that no matter how bad my day, week, month might be, it is a vast improvement over the days when I existed with my head in the toilet.
Have a good day, F.
Brilliant to read this :-)
ReplyDeleteI read this with the goofiest smile upon my face! I am truly happy for you.
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear things are looking up...sure sounds like progress to me. I can always relate to a lot of what you say, but particularly the work stuff. Love that diagram you posted last time. I'll keep you in my thoughts and sincerely hope you continue to speak up and find satisfaction in your job. Take care.
ReplyDeleteGlad you're in a "better space".
ReplyDeleteLife is too serious to be taken seriously.
Oh gosh, I'm sorry it sounds as if you've been having a frustrating work week or two as of late, but it looks like you've managed to put it all into perspective now - don't let the buggers get you down, eh?
ReplyDeletedelighted that the pressure valve worked! i am not feeling the compelling urge to write often these days - and have considered just giving up the ol' blog. but when i need to write? it's good that it's there... here's to a very good weekend for you and the family! i hope there's music in it!
ReplyDeleteJust read your last post and then this one. So sorry to hear about the rough patch you went through but am so happy that things are better now at work and also in your outlook. That takes a lot of inner strength. High five!! I've been there before myself. Cheers to you. :)
ReplyDelete