... and I'm annoyed with myself over it.
Another post by a brave soul out there has prompted me to post this. I snapped yesterday getting heated in an argument with a person at my place of work I find infuriating. That is no excuse frankly is it. Well I don't think so, I only have to work with the person, they really in my grand scheme of life have a tiny tiny corner of space just at this moment and that will pass and they will move on or I will and that will be that gone, not important.
This person though is a black belt in obfuscation. Ever issue grows and grows around him, he has a knack for over complication never simplification. Yesterday I told him something that I'd understood pretty much from day one of the eight months I've been here - the next financial year is a zero based budget. i.e. even if you have a project that is continuing you have to rebid for the money, any money not spent this year goes back into the pot to be redistributed. Use it or lose is really the phrase - or write a damn good case to get it back next year. He insists to me that is not the case and that he can "roll over" a bunch of money. In the end I got the Director to back what I was saying up. This lead to a 40minute phone call with him bitching about this - unproductively it was just going in circles. He then suggested doing something I'm not prepared to countenance, I might be wrong but in my experience I'd even suggest it is possibly illegal. He then said again he needed confirmation and didn't need someone "guessing" about it. At that point I lost it and snapped back raising my voice and pretty much slammed the phone down on him, I wasn't guessing, in my experience of 20plus years of some form of budget management the guidance I've always seen explicitly states against what he was suggesting. It maybe different here but frankly I doubt it and I'd have to be explicitly told to do it by someone in authority. And actually if they did I'd still question it and probably refuse to action it. It just is plain wrong to me.
People, places and things. Is a phrase often said at AA meetings or between members often with a wry smile as the speaker sees the look of recognition in the person bemoaning about something. Yes I cannot change them, they will affect me, all I can change is my interaction with them, my reaction to any provocation etc. The adopted prayer of AA is the short version of the Serenity Prayer written by Reinhold Niebuhr.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.
There was something of a very notable lack of any serenity yesterday in that exchange I'm sad to say.
Still ... progress not perfection... Furtheron....