Just like a cork shooting out of a champagne bottle my post the other day has released a lot of bottled up tension. Firstly thank you to all who commented etc. your kind words meant a lot to me.
Here is the thing - see I often get to the point of taking it all inward that it is only me who gets like this etc. etc. I internalise, I don't see the wider picture, I get on a downward spiral of negativity and find it difficult to break out. But I know the things like "first things first", "don't try to fix all your problems in one day", etc. etc. I tell this stuff to others enough in the rooms of AA or on their blogs! But can I easily do it myself - er... in a word NO! But as I say the release of finally getting it out there has been a real help to me.
So a new attitude etc. Almost instantly there has been a meeting about funding and projects and at least one of the big ones has biten the dust. On the other ongoing work I had two meetings that very day - one of them was described by someone in it as "strangely productive" - he saw my look and he said "we need more people like you who come in here and shake it up and just try to get on with it"... notice he said "try to get on with it"... I was reminded of my old bosses joke at times about "activity not achievement" I should be measuring myself on what I have done to try and get something done even if it fails due to other reasons. Frankly I think the leadership might regret this as I'll be bombarding them with lots of recommendations, plans for approval/endorsement etc. If they want this stuff done then I want at least a part of their anatomy on the block alongside my neck :-)
So the answer is as I swelter here in the lunchtime heat of a late May London Friday that I'm in a much much better space than I was a few days back. Alright I'm not skipping to work but I'm not having that awful emotional dread I was experiencing for the last week or so.
Again to all those who commented/emailed etc. much much appreciated for making me see that I'm not the only one and that I need to turn the things around into positive actions where I can. Plus also I shouldn't take myself so seriously either.