Thursday, 10 May 2012

Presenting new songs to the world

To be honest after writing the post yesterday about my drinking dream I felt a bit better.  Later in the day I had the chance to call two of my good good friends in AA and talked about it.  Funny one of them I know had shared at a meeting a couple of weeks back he'd had a disturbing drinking dream - it knocked him off his balance too and he is over 20 years sober.  It never leaves us, it is an insidious thing gnawing in our heads and hearts - the compulsion to drink may be lifted whilst I work the programme of recovery, I may have the desire to stop drinking but in my head and my heart it stills weedles away trying to find a way to catch me out.  Non addicts and alcoholics can never probably fully appreciate that or the feelings associated with it.  It was a sharp reminder to me to stay on the right path. "Cunning, baffling, powerful" - Bill W could not have found any other 3 words to better sum it up.

Feeling less "unbalanced" and having had a "family" discussion about it, I wanted them to know where I was mentally and emotionally we then headed out and had a great evening at the regular Nag's Head (Rochester) Songwriters Night.  I debuted a new song written only last Sunday when in one of my "noodling sessions" I hit on a nice little chord pattern and a vocal line and lyric hit me almost simultaneously - the planets must have been in some conjunction.  It was a "work in progress" right up until we left for the pub with me rewriting the last verses lyrics minutes before departure!  I described it as a bit of a "new born babe" of a song, normally these things have much longer gestation periods in my head, hands and private rehearsal before they are introduced to the ugly world out there.  It is in C as well - I have been wracking my brains but in 40 years of song writing of those I remember - I do still play for my own pleasure stuff I wrote when I was 15 or 16 you know!  Songs about King Arthur in Em and 5/4 anyone?  I thought not.  Anyways,  I cannot think of any another song I've ever written in C - clearly I'm too sharp for that or feel a need to flatten the mood...    *Pause* ... *Watch tumbleweed roll down street*...  Right even old musos among you probably didn't get that awful gag. Moving on...

Last night was a great night - an incredible eclectic mix of stuff.. Me playing my brand of Acoustic Rock (that reminds me I have a competition for you all I need to set up), then a jazz trio (old school, two guitars, straight comping rhythm and an improv lead and a female singer), my great mate Porlie Eidolon (who defies description but is simply an undiscovered genius), a guy who was a fantastic solo harmonica player and human beatbox (I kid not! D-of-F was highly impressed with him) and a rapper playing solo acoustic guitar accompaniment with brilliantly pithy topical and locally relevant lyrics - sorry his name was in my head... but now gone :-(.   Sadly mid-week, early starts for work, GCSE revision needs etc. meant we had to leave before the end but a great night out.  So - stop watching the fake poseurs on The Apprentice, look up where you  can find a local open mic night and get out there and be amazed at the depth of talent out there.


  1. Sounds an awesome night, where everything came together right. I'm intrigued about this quiz you have in mind..? Are you going to record this song of yours, that we can hear it? Hmmn, oddly enough I also had a very unsettling dream this week - it's unusual for me to have such a vivid one, and it's been ominously lingering with me ever since. Weird.

  2. Stay the course, steady and strong. Temptation is an evil temptress but you are a better man.

    I have horrid dreams sometimes about my husband cheating on me.Since it happened to me before, my subconscious wants me to think it's going to happen again. I question why? Why does it keep haunting me?

    I guess we'll never know why we play out our fears in the subconscious. Our best defense is to accept the fact that our fears will never really go away, we will just try our best to understand them.

  3. I am so glad you reached out to your family and to other AA members about your dream and know that you're not alone. I'm even happier that things improved throughout the day for you!

    I give you a lot of credit. I can't even talk in front of a crowd, and here you are debuting a brand new song. Go Graham!!

  4. first, i want to say that the comments you left on my blog were very insightful and they struck a chord in me ; ) especially the one about differences because you brought a point of view i never really thought about but it makes total sense. it's like when we are not happy or content with ourselves sometimes we find outer things to try and fullfill us (like material things other people have, addictions, ect.) but i think a true testament to recovery and finding that peace inside of us is when we stop focusing so much on those things. like you with the cars for instant. that shows so much growth in yourself and it's so wonderful ; )

    second, i think sometimes, we have dreams or things like this to just remind us that we need to stick to the program and make sure we are still on the right track. it's always there inside of us and if we are not careful, it can sneak up on us. i think being aware is so important. i hope this made sense because it did in my head but as i am writing i feel kind of jumbled. lol.

    and third! last night sounded like such a great night for you and i hope you can have so many more of them! : )

    1. Indeed for me, and I've heard many others share the same thing, it is all about changing me - the way I feel, look, act, think etc. We have primary addictions mine was clearly alcohol but I know food (binge eating in stressful circumstances) is my next, there are others. The buying things to make you feel good is dangerous for addicts - I have a friend where that was the primary addiction, awful, she spent a small fortune on clothes, makeup, shoes etc. etc. she never wore or used, it was the buzz of the buying something.

      These days I know I still have addictions - my guitar one is obvious - but it is under control (mostly due to my wife's veto on purchases!) and frankly it isn't that bad an obsession really - it is one I'm happy to "live with" and monitor

  5. Any sort of addiction lingers forever, and always requires rsilience and determnation to fight the bastard off.

    Keep up the fight.