Reminder

I've been to a meeting this evening, my regular Wednesday night group which is a small group.  A girl who on Monday celebrated 3 months sober was there, crying, drunk and repeating over and over how she had "fucked up".

My heart went out and I was nearly in tears with her too.  She said to me "I've struggled every day".  Oh my do I remember those early days of recovery - 9 months it was for me when every day I had those thoughts and that desire to drink.  Why didn't I?  Frankly at times I don't know, fear, totally mad stubbornness, great support from those I was talking to in AA, making myself share, going to loads of meetings, telling people all my movements so I couldn't escape etc.  but I still know often in those months drinking would have been frankly so much easier in that instant to quell the pain I felt inside.

I can be ungrateful, full of self-pity still these days, self-reliant to a point of craziness but drink doesn't these days often cross my mind.  Tonight was a reminder of why I'll always be an alcoholic and I can't take my sobriety for granted for a moment.

Often the person with the least time from a drink - in this case only hours, can tell me more about recovery than someone with 20 years of it.

I am grateful for that tonight.

Comments

  1. Anonymous23 May 2012 at 22:29

    This was a great reminder, Furtheron, thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jenn23 May 2012 at 22:43

    this is very insightful. it's good to have these kinds of reminders so that don't get caught off guard and fall back into old traps.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous23 May 2012 at 23:08

    Many times I learn more from the newcomer than any old timer in the room. My heart goes out to her, too. But I love that she came back. I never had the guts after my relapses. Too much shame. Brave girl.

    ReplyDelete
  4. bugerlugs6323 May 2012 at 23:14

    Lovely post Furtheron, Obviously the relapse is not lovely, these thing happen . . . but that it served to remind you to be aware and grateful, that's good.
    I always tend to think, wrongly, that us "relapsers" have nothing to add to a meeting, so I rarely say anything; though the couple of times I did speak, those people with 5 or 7 yrs, said it was good for them to be reminded of early struggles. Now I see why.
    Thanks for passing it on.

    ReplyDelete
  5. daisyfae24 May 2012 at 03:30

    as my brother reaches toward his 4 month sobriety date, i need to pay close attention. he's doing well. but going through his 3rd divorce at the same time has got to be wearing on him... a good reminder for us all.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Twisted Scottish Bastard24 May 2012 at 03:50

    It's so easy to backslide, no matter the willpower.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Tom Edwards' Poem "Why I don't drink anymore"

Thanks to my friend DeeJay for pointing this out to me - it was on a BBC2 show. An excellent summary of alcoholism I changed because I have the sickness of alcoholism, alcoholism doesn't come in bottles it comes in people. You should have seen me. I drank for happiness and became unhappy; I drank for joy and became miserable. I drank to be out-going and became self-centred; I drank for sociability and became argumentative and lonely; I drank for sophistication and became crude and obnoxious. I drank for friendship and made enemies, I drank to soften sorrow and wallowed in self-pity; I drank for sleep and awakened without rest. I drank for strength and felt weak. I drank for masculinity and it sapped my potency; I drank medicinally and got sick. I drank because I thought my job called for it and lost my job. I drank to stimulate thought and blacked out. I drank to make conversation and got to where I couldn't talk at all; I drank to forget and became haunted. I drank for freedom...
Read more

Guitar Review - Vintage VE2000GG Gordon Giltrap Signature 12 string

Image
Folks will remember my purchase a few weeks back of the Vintage Gordon Giltrap VE2000GG 12 string to replace my old Yamaha which sadly has seen better days... My requirement was for a nice playable 12 string electro-acoustic.  Most of my stuff is as you know acoustic rock orientated in the David Gray, John Mayer genre.  I'd had my eye on a Gordon Giltrap for a couple of years now anyway since a) I'm a big Giltrap fan b) I'd heard said Mr Giltrap use the 6 string version live a couple of times and was impressed c) it seems incredible value for money. Now then my life was made a touch my complicated by the appearance of the Paul Brett signature 12string.  This is a slight oddity in that this is a parlour sized guitar which to be honest wasn't my initial desire but has received rave reviews and also has been designed as a 12string from the ground up - unlike the Gordon Giltrap which is an adaptation of a 6 string design.  Not unusual to be fair most 12 strings ar...
Read more