Reminder

I've been to a meeting this evening, my regular Wednesday night group which is a small group.  A girl who on Monday celebrated 3 months sober was there, crying, drunk and repeating over and over how she had "fucked up".

My heart went out and I was nearly in tears with her too.  She said to me "I've struggled every day".  Oh my do I remember those early days of recovery - 9 months it was for me when every day I had those thoughts and that desire to drink.  Why didn't I?  Frankly at times I don't know, fear, totally mad stubbornness, great support from those I was talking to in AA, making myself share, going to loads of meetings, telling people all my movements so I couldn't escape etc.  but I still know often in those months drinking would have been frankly so much easier in that instant to quell the pain I felt inside.

I can be ungrateful, full of self-pity still these days, self-reliant to a point of craziness but drink doesn't these days often cross my mind.  Tonight was a reminder of why I'll always be an alcoholic and I can't take my sobriety for granted for a moment.

Often the person with the least time from a drink - in this case only hours, can tell me more about recovery than someone with 20 years of it.

I am grateful for that tonight.

Comments

  1. This was a great reminder, Furtheron, thank you!

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  2. this is very insightful. it's good to have these kinds of reminders so that don't get caught off guard and fall back into old traps.

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  3. Many times I learn more from the newcomer than any old timer in the room. My heart goes out to her, too. But I love that she came back. I never had the guts after my relapses. Too much shame. Brave girl.

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  4. Lovely post Furtheron, Obviously the relapse is not lovely, these thing happen . . . but that it served to remind you to be aware and grateful, that's good.
    I always tend to think, wrongly, that us "relapsers" have nothing to add to a meeting, so I rarely say anything; though the couple of times I did speak, those people with 5 or 7 yrs, said it was good for them to be reminded of early struggles. Now I see why.
    Thanks for passing it on.

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  5. as my brother reaches toward his 4 month sobriety date, i need to pay close attention. he's doing well. but going through his 3rd divorce at the same time has got to be wearing on him... a good reminder for us all.

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  6. It's so easy to backslide, no matter the willpower.

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