I've been to a meeting this evening, my regular Wednesday night group which is a small group. A girl who on Monday celebrated 3 months sober was there, crying, drunk and repeating over and over how she had "fucked up".
My heart went out and I was nearly in tears with her too. She said to me "I've struggled every day". Oh my do I remember those early days of recovery - 9 months it was for me when every day I had those thoughts and that desire to drink. Why didn't I? Frankly at times I don't know, fear, totally mad stubbornness, great support from those I was talking to in AA, making myself share, going to loads of meetings, telling people all my movements so I couldn't escape etc. but I still know often in those months drinking would have been frankly so much easier in that instant to quell the pain I felt inside.
I can be ungrateful, full of self-pity still these days, self-reliant to a point of craziness but drink doesn't these days often cross my mind. Tonight was a reminder of why I'll always be an alcoholic and I can't take my sobriety for granted for a moment.
Often the person with the least time from a drink - in this case only hours, can tell me more about recovery than someone with 20 years of it.
I am grateful for that tonight.