Post birthday blues

You know how it is - there is a special thing coming up, there is the build-up, the anticipation of it, then the day is here the fanfare briefly sounds, there are smiles and all that and then, it is over and it is the next day, or the next and it all seems a long time ago and a bit of an anti-climax in retrospect.  And that is how I am a little bit at the moment - post "birthday" blues.  I remember having this big style on my 1st sobriety anniversary.  I was presented with my 1 year chip from my home group, another friend in the fellowship is a month or so younger than me in sobriety gave me a very precious gift that I was very touched by and then back to daily grind...  I then suddenly knew that I was off kilter, because?  Because I'd been up to then thinking back to the year before, my first year I kept thinking - oh this time last year I was... blah blah and I could see the change if not any growth.  The beginning of that second year was very hard for me.  I don't feel exactly the same at the moment but a bit flat - probably not helped as I'm not the greatest proponent of celebrating my belly button birthdays but have bowed this year to family pressures since I'm turning 50 in October.  50!  I barely think I'm out of my 20s in my head a lot of the time.

Also just now is an odd time in the house as well.  Son-of-Furtheron has end of year exams, Space Plasmas today - yep I thought that too!  Daughter-of-Furtheron left compulsory full time education last Friday!!  She is in the middle of GCSEs, food tech this afternoon I believe.  So there is a deal of parental stress around that - as ever I'd love to just fix it for them, just take the pain away but I never can.  I hate that feeling - one of my biggest defects of character.  I can only be here, wish them well and send my hope to them in the ether.  They will both do brilliantly I am sure - well they must do better than the lacklustre performance of their father!

This too shall pass - I always think of a lovely lady I used to give lifts to meetings when I was first around AA.  She didn't drive any more.  She was very instrumental in my early recovery often telling me stuff I'd rather not hear like... Keep it Simple, Time take Time, This Too Shall Pass...  however she was always right.  I miss her greatly she died suddenly some years back now - shame.