Wednesday, 16 May 2012

Post birthday blues

You know how it is - there is a special thing coming up, there is the build-up, the anticipation of it, then the day is here the fanfare briefly sounds, there are smiles and all that and then, it is over and it is the next day, or the next and it all seems a long time ago and a bit of an anti-climax in retrospect.  And that is how I am a little bit at the moment - post "birthday" blues.  I remember having this big style on my 1st sobriety anniversary.  I was presented with my 1 year chip from my home group, another friend in the fellowship is a month or so younger than me in sobriety gave me a very precious gift that I was very touched by and then back to daily grind...  I then suddenly knew that I was off kilter, because?  Because I'd been up to then thinking back to the year before, my first year I kept thinking - oh this time last year I was... blah blah and I could see the change if not any growth.  The beginning of that second year was very hard for me.  I don't feel exactly the same at the moment but a bit flat - probably not helped as I'm not the greatest proponent of celebrating my belly button birthdays but have bowed this year to family pressures since I'm turning 50 in October.  50!  I barely think I'm out of my 20s in my head a lot of the time.

Also just now is an odd time in the house as well.  Son-of-Furtheron has end of year exams, Space Plasmas today - yep I thought that too!  Daughter-of-Furtheron left compulsory full time education last Friday!!  She is in the middle of GCSEs, food tech this afternoon I believe.  So there is a deal of parental stress around that - as ever I'd love to just fix it for them, just take the pain away but I never can.  I hate that feeling - one of my biggest defects of character.  I can only be here, wish them well and send my hope to them in the ether.  They will both do brilliantly I am sure - well they must do better than the lacklustre performance of their father!

This too shall pass - I always think of a lovely lady I used to give lifts to meetings when I was first around AA.  She didn't drive any more.  She was very instrumental in my early recovery often telling me stuff I'd rather not hear like... Keep it Simple, Time take Time, This Too Shall Pass...  however she was always right.  I miss her greatly she died suddenly some years back now - shame.


7 comments:

  1. Happy Birthday. That's quite a bit of time you got there. Something to really treasure. Can definitely relate to the letdown after something you've been looking forward to for awhile passes. And if you don't see as much change in the last year, that seems more a testament to a strong spiritual state. Don't be hard on yourself...you're doing beautifully :)

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  2. I think that all parents want to take al the pain and distress way from their kids.
    But we can't.
    The best we can do is to support them and always be there for them.

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  3. One of my favorites, Furtheron:

    This to Shall Pass...my other:

    God Only Gives You What You Can Handle

    Be well

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  4. i'm turning 50 in a month - and have succumbed to the "Big Party" thing. My friends wanted to host, but quickly realized that i can't let that happen... so they're assisting, and i've now got a rather large celebration to create! i will look back happily, no doubt. and probably with a little bit of "so... now what?" when it's done.

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  5. You're absolutely right this too shall pass. All the best to you my friend. :)

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  6. I got a guitar too during my birthday last month.

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  7. I feel your pain with the GCSE thing! Oh and the age thing!
    Hope you are feeling less flat by now?

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