I should be happy...

Over this weekend all the frustration, anger, annoyance etc. about the job situation boiled over, no doubt as I had a lot of time in my head with all the driving about.

I realised that I'm very demotivated at the moment, not just because of the redundancy stuff, I'd been struggling before that came along. I know it is probably me, I've come to realise that really all jobs suck, you turn up do stuff and then more stuff, get shat on from time to time by the organisation or economy or both etc. etc. I keep trying to restart myself, get going again, but I'm finding it very difficult. I drop back into bad karma again too quickly. I wish I could be like others and just do a job, enjoy it and not look for some great meaning in what they do... I keep thinking what the heck is the point of anything I do really in the grand scheme of things I do very little to move the world in any direction.

I'm really frustrated more with myself, one of my characteristics (or character defects) is that I'm not a risk taker at all. Also I'm a very negative person, I always see the 20 things that can go wrong in anything and will err on the side of caution generally. If I was more of a get up and give it a go type person I'd have just already gone from the company I'm in, taken the money and thought it that greatest opportunity in my life.

Anyway - they've given me the job. Bugger! I'll have to accept given the reasons above but I need to really do something about the negative motivation now or they'll sack me in a few months for being sodding useless. Partly I hoped this delay meant that they were not going to offer me it and I'd be able to depart and "blame" them... whoever they are...

Oh yes another thing that has really upset me is that there was a disaster in my music room and my beloved classical guitar my Mum bought me when I was a teenager now has a huge scratch down the front of it. And add to that it's three years to the day she died and that probably isn't helping my mood much today.

Comments

  1. Liz Hinds6 April 2009 at 15:29

    Oh dear. I came here to say congratulations but it doesn't seem apt.

    I think what you say is true of most jobs: they seems pretty pointless. I suppose the only way around it is to think that you're just a part of the jigsaw. A great big jigsaw and if one piece is missing, it's incomplete. You do provide a service but where you are is just a long way from the end recipient. It's nonetheless important for that.

    And no matter what job you do, you're not drinking and you have a lovely family.

    Would you like some of this calorie-free cake I am eating at this precise moment? It's very good. I know it's calorie-free because I made it and I say it is.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Candy's daily Dandy7 April 2009 at 14:24

    A job is a job, nonetheless.
    I am part of a growing crisis of un-employed Americans at the moment. I would much rather be part of the solution.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Istvanski7 April 2009 at 16:13

    Jobwise - good for son's uni, yes?
    (Christ - I'm starting to type like Gordon bloomin' Ramsey here...).
    Sorry to hear about the guitar though. Is it repairable? Does the damage effect the sound?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Furtheron7 April 2009 at 17:31

    @Istvanski - I think it's repairable and the sound isn't affected. However I now need to find someone I trust to repair it

    ReplyDelete
  5. Pallav7 April 2009 at 18:12

    Jobs are mundane like this...it's better to keep a job as something that brings the money in and work separately for your dreams/aspirations/place in the world.

    Job is just for financial matters...accomplishment comes through doing something we love, and that's very rarely the job!

    Cheers!

    N

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Tom Edwards' Poem "Why I don't drink anymore"

Thanks to my friend DeeJay for pointing this out to me - it was on a BBC2 show. An excellent summary of alcoholism I changed because I have the sickness of alcoholism, alcoholism doesn't come in bottles it comes in people. You should have seen me. I drank for happiness and became unhappy; I drank for joy and became miserable. I drank to be out-going and became self-centred; I drank for sociability and became argumentative and lonely; I drank for sophistication and became crude and obnoxious. I drank for friendship and made enemies, I drank to soften sorrow and wallowed in self-pity; I drank for sleep and awakened without rest. I drank for strength and felt weak. I drank for masculinity and it sapped my potency; I drank medicinally and got sick. I drank because I thought my job called for it and lost my job. I drank to stimulate thought and blacked out. I drank to make conversation and got to where I couldn't talk at all; I drank to forget and became haunted. I drank for freedom
Read more

12 String Guitar - Bridge Doctor Installation

Image
Remember my 12 string needing to have it's overbelly reduced?  Well I ordered a Bridge Doctor  from StewMac in the USA which arrived in a couple of weeks. Here is the bridge doctor before installation Here is the action before - about 5mm on the bass side and about 3mm on the treble. The guitar on the workbench Hole drilled - I got a 1/4" brad bit for the outer hole and used a cocktail stick marked at 1/8" as my depth gauge.  You get a little plastic dot you can inlay over the screw once finished - I may do that later when I get happy with it.  Luckily I have a local little hardware shop that stock imperial drills and are cheaper than the big stores... no doubt as the stock has been there 20 years! Set the doctor to the best width - the circular plastic bolt holder has three settings - I used the widest you can see to allow string clearance on the 12 string - on a 6 string the middle would probably be best setting.  The doctor installed - t
Read more