(Inspired by another persons honest post on their blog.)
Honestly one of my major problems. I avoid things that I don't want to do, or am not sure of how to do, or will make me feel bad in some way. I avoided recontacting the bus company about the refund we were due after the great bus ticket scandal I blogged about last year. Why? Because I knew it'd bring back the anger and I don't like that feeling. I did email them, with no response and in the end the ever marvellous Mrs F called them, twice, and we finally got a cheque for all of £6.70... but no apology!
I'm bad at it at work at the moment. I'm giving myself all the excuses under the sun... "I'm new to the organisation and don't know who to contact"... well ask someone dummy! But then I'll possibly look daft... etc. Also the reorganisation of the division is not complete and I am not totally fully in post. So I use that as another excuse. But they are excuses I'm just avoiding it and putting it off etc.
Then of course once you've put something off for one day the next day seems easier etc. But then when it gets that you have to do something when you then ask the question you know you need to ask you realise that people have the thought... "Why didn't you ask that x days ago?" Well you don't realise that you perceive it as you are beating yourself up with that in your head and your reality is their reality isn't it?
Now in the old days alcohol was a great cover for this stuff. Firstly it gave me the "Dutch courage" to take on some of the things I was fearful of as with the alcohol in your bloodstream you brain begins to tell you that you are invincible and all these doubts and fears are just nonsense and secondly it is a great way of bludgeoning to death the feelings anyway so that you are numb to them.
So I dithered over hitting the big orangey Publish button highlighted at the top of the page at the moment on this one - why? Because I don't like to admit weakness and also if I come clean on here and say all this it'll mean I ought really to "accept the things I cannot change and have the courage to change what I can" ... which in this case is actually quiet a bit.