Tuesday, 22 September 2009

Stress and Fear

I've not posted anything for a week or more...

to be honest I've not been in a good space, I'm still not. Physically the vertigo has got better but I've another problem now that I've got to get looked at.

Work, stress, fear, failure, stress, fear, failure, work... that is the sort of cycle at the moment. I've blogged about work on here before and it's come back to bite me but what the hell it's where I am at the moment. I feel completely at sea at work currently, very swamped and stressed and not sure on half of what I am suppose to be doing what I am supposed to be doing and then feeling there is a ton and a half of other stuff I'm not doing that I probably ought to be doing and especially in the area of all the process improvement stuff that I'm involved with that there is little point as frankly that is trying to mimic Canute in the chair by the seaside!

It has really got me very down. Last year about this time I was depressed as well, it was then I thought because my son was off to uni for the first time. Is it that he is back there at the end of this week? I think it is more this time but interesting that it is a similar time of year which is also as my birthday approaches although honestly I'm not dwelling on that at all consciously, maybe it is a sub-conscious thing I don't know.

I do feel like I'm a hamster trapped on a wheel at the moment - funny analogy that as the Furtheron house has the sound of tiny feet again... i.e. we have two new little pet hamsters that are my daughters. But also I know I'm doing appallingly at breaking out and doing anything about it and the reason behind that is fear, fear of failure, fear of making a mistake, fear of looking an idiot etc.

The tool box where is it?

Oh yes...

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference"

The 12 steps

The Just for Today card

funny I have all these things but find it bloody hard to execute on them.


  1. Work, stress, fear, failure, stress, fear, failure, work

    that's my mantra

    well, that plus beer and weed.

  2. Ooo, I DO feel for you. That sounds a really uncomfortable place to be. Try the Dr. Get signed off for a bit until you feel you can face it all and then go back a part time for a while? I guess you have already thought of that though.

    Funny that certain times of year bring on a particular mood. I think you are right though. I think we get echoes of things that have happened in the past and we sort of unconsciously relive them again. It may even be something from childhood that brings on your mood.

    You are self reflective, that is a good thing.

    Thinking of you and hugs to you. Keep venting on here, it helps sometimes!

  3. Life is bloody tough at times... not guarentees blah blah. Hope you turn this corner soon.


  4. My dear father only ever gave me one piece of good advice: "Never worry about things that you have no control over." He was 100% right. He's been gone ten long years now, but I still live by those words. Now I am passing this onto you my mate. You can sort this out yourself. You just have to shit or get off the pot.
    You often drive me made with all of your ways but I recognise that we're not all made of the same stuff. So finger out chop chop. You have what it takes. Stand taller and be proud of all you are and all you have become. It's the secret to a happy and contented life.