I go back to work tomorrow after my enforced break through this illness, coupling with the holiday I've actually not been in the office for a month! I have tried to have a look through my work emails today; what a mess!!! Things move quickly at work and looks like there is much I've missed.
Honesty time... I've not been enjoying work much at all lately and I do wonder if the illness is stress related. I have been seriously thinking about leaving work, but as ever I'm pretty useless on answering the fundamental questions regarding what I want to do etc. I've been in the same type of job since I left school, i.e. IT related although I long ago moved away from the "coalface of technology" and became a manager in many guises. I probably have a load of skills I could translate somewhere else but I'm terrible at recognising that, I see myself as an IT Manager and that is about it. So I could take the plunge and leave where I am, but then I fear that if I do I'll either end up without any job at all, or in a worse position in a job I similarly dislike but either being paid a lot less or having to commute a long distance and / or live away from home. I can be very negative about things can't I?
So stand back a bit. Some people would kill for my job. A good friend failed to get the job I have now earlier in the year when we were restructured and he was very disappointed. My job isn't easy - then I suppose that is why they pay me so well. I need some focused effort to get myself back on track with it I feel, if I did leave it would be an admission on failure on my part I think. To quote a Marillion lyric I love... "Failure isn't falling down, it's staying down".
I fear failing or looking dumb so don't tackle things with vigour or enthusiasm. I need to change that, not just at work but it's a major symptom of my issue there.