Wednesday, 9 September 2009

Back to work

I go back to work tomorrow after my enforced break through this illness, coupling with the holiday I've actually not been in the office for a month! I have tried to have a look through my work emails today; what a mess!!! Things move quickly at work and looks like there is much I've missed.

Honesty time... I've not been enjoying work much at all lately and I do wonder if the illness is stress related. I have been seriously thinking about leaving work, but as ever I'm pretty useless on answering the fundamental questions regarding what I want to do etc. I've been in the same type of job since I left school, i.e. IT related although I long ago moved away from the "coalface of technology" and became a manager in many guises. I probably have a load of skills I could translate somewhere else but I'm terrible at recognising that, I see myself as an IT Manager and that is about it. So I could take the plunge and leave where I am, but then I fear that if I do I'll either end up without any job at all, or in a worse position in a job I similarly dislike but either being paid a lot less or having to commute a long distance and / or live away from home. I can be very negative about things can't I?

So stand back a bit. Some people would kill for my job. A good friend failed to get the job I have now earlier in the year when we were restructured and he was very disappointed. My job isn't easy - then I suppose that is why they pay me so well. I need some focused effort to get myself back on track with it I feel, if I did leave it would be an admission on failure on my part I think. To quote a Marillion lyric I love... "Failure isn't falling down, it's staying down".

I fear failing or looking dumb so don't tackle things with vigour or enthusiasm. I need to change that, not just at work but it's a major symptom of my issue there.

3 comments:

  1. Move to Swansea and we can set up a garden clearing business together! You'd be much closer to Son-of-F and it'd be a healthy fresh air job. Sorted!

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  2. You have had lots of time to think and asess. That is good, and hopefully you will get the change you want eventually, though they say it is better to get another job first, before you leave the first one.

    I am flailing about trying to work out what I can do for a 'proper' job too. I'm sure there's loads I could do, if only I felt confident enough to go for it.

    Hope you are feeling completely well again.

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  3. you sound a bit like me, having a negative self perception and all. I know where mine came from, but is dosen't help me change it. Neither do people saying buck up, you've got it made...i had it made when i was working but i detested my job, so now i am poorer, but i don't work,either, and that suits me pretty well. i felt as tho i was trapped in my job, because i knew i could not make that good of money anywhere else, having no other kind of education, and absolutly no desire to go to school again. so now i am happy, unemployed, and keep odd hours.:)

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