Guitars and Life

Last week I was telling you all how 2013 has already thrown some bad issues our way.  Well it continues. Thursday night my niece called to say she was in hospital.  She has suffered with ME for ages and it has been bad lately especially after a couple of bouts of the flu etc.  A couple of times she suddenly found she can't move her legs - that has again happened she has no movement below her waist.  She has a great spirit though as I visited her yesterday and she was joking away.  The doctors actually are wondering if there is an actual spinal injury at the root cause this time (she has had a couple of accidents in the past with her back) so are getting scans etc. organised, but with Easter - everyone is on holiday so she's stuck there until at least Tuesday. Another bump in a very bumpy year so far. On a brighter note on the kitchen is all finished... here is a rubbish picture to prove it - I like the colour, B&Q Warm Yellow.  And proper pain...

It was a funny sort of a weekend.  Started same as ever - well a bit differently for the first time in several weeks I accompanied Daughter-of-Furtheron to swimming training, for a bunch of reasons I've not been on a Friday with her for a while now.  Saturday started with me running her about to go out with a friend shopping heading to pick up some wallpaper - we are in preparation stage for an assault on the master bedroom of the house over Easter and Mrs F had seen some she liked and I thought we'd best order it and get it acquired instead of leaving it and finding that style having been deleted from the catalogue. I spent a lot of Saturday in the studio recording All At Once which has been around a while even having had at least one live outing but I'd not got the chance to record it.  Mrs F and Son-of-Furtheron between them had bought me a Behringer C1 Condenser Microphone for Christmas - it has been something on  my "to be bought" list for ages as many have...

I had to go to the doctors today - my annual "chronic condition review" was needed.  That's a horrid thing to call it, sounds like you are one step from the knackers yard.  Actually mine is for Hypertension as I used to pompously refer to it as - High Blood Pressure to the non-pompous of you out there.  Actually I've not taken medication for it for many years now... er... actually since I stopped drinking.  I'd taken drugs to lower it for years before then. So roll up your sleeve and they pop on that collar thing that self inflates and deflates a couple of times whilst asking you the questions... do you smoke?  Ever smoked?  When did you stop?  How much alcohol do you drink?   This is always where the conversation deviates from the norm I think... "Nothing" I reply.  "Nothing at all?"  says the nurse raising an eyebrow.  "No I don't drink".   "Nothing at all?"   Look is it that unreasonable for people to n...

Ok I can't deny it any longer I'm middle aged. I'm closer to my 49th birthday than my 48th and as a friend said the other day... "Knocking on the door to your fifties". Indeed. Firstly - where the hell did the time go - days feel like seconds used to, years like weeks and decades like years. This year will be the 10th anniversary of 9/11 - I find that difficult to believe, that was 20% of my life ago but if seems like only a year or two ago I was there in NYC that fateful day. Secondly - back pain. I have pulled a muscle somewhere in my back somehow - I honestly don't really know when but it really became a pain (excuse the pun) over the weekend. Saturday I was struggling with it, getting in and out of chairs was difficult and leaning forward sometimes caused a shooting spasm up my back and arm - which led to me spilling more than one cup of coffee. Sunday was a bit better - Mrs F coming to the rescue as ever and sorting out some pain relieving gel, of co...

... what's going on 'ere then? A lot of trivial stuff basically which has meant I've not been on the blogsphere as much as normal. Family life is wombling along as ever. My son will be home briefly for the weekend which will be great to see him - he is coming home to go on a paintballing day with some old school friends that one of them bought all of them as a Christmas present. His facebook status updates this week have all been about his "man flu" as my daughter refers to it and she tells us "don't give him any sympathy". Charming! Actually the weekend is a busy one for all of us - Son home and paintballing, my daughter is off to see... someone at the O2 on Sunday (had to look it up - Lily Allen and Dizzee Rascal - I should have known) with a load of friends for a girls birthday bash. Mrs F and I will be there the night before as we are off to see The Dave Mathews Band. I'm really looking forward to that as I've loved their music for some y...

Saturday outpatients clinics are possibly a good idea. There was no one in the car park and the hospital virtually empty, plus I was seen bang on time and felt had more time as the consultant wasn't behind trying to make up time. The good news (as I type this I'm desparately looking for some wood to touch) is that I've been really good since the last attack back about three weeks ago. Hopefully the road forward will continue like this. I couldn't find a link to foodstuffs and in the end the consultant agreed that stress is probably the biggest influence on the condition. I've got to go and have an MRI scan this week now - that is 7:45am! Doesn't really mean a problem as I'm normally in the office by then anyway and hopefully it'll mean the car park is clear again. I had one some while back and hated it! I'm not great in confined spaces and the noise really does do my head in! Most of the rest of the weekend had a huge music focus to it. Mrs F and Dau...

That phrase has been good to me in the last couple of months. As you all know (regular readers anyhow) I've not been well ... to briefly recap. Stress at work - self induced Busy holiday in very hot/humid New England Vertigo attack on hols More Vertigo attacks at home Time off work Stress because of time off work Back to work full time too soon Stress! Panic Chest pains New medication Off work Slow return to work Through all of this I've had to tell myself - this too will pass - in time. And it appears to be doing so. No doubt the road that is life will have another hairpin turn or sudden dip I don't see coming and that'll either cause the breaks to have to be applied or a crash that'll require some form of recovery truck to pull me out of a ditch. Work - I'm in a much better place with it all. Still too much to do and frankly a load of utter nonsense as to what we are doing. I used to get it about what our company did and what I did in that to help it do i...

The good news is that I'm feeling much better at the end of this week. Finally admitting to the problems I was happening and giving into my body telling me to take it easy has obviously been the best result. I had an ear test at the hospital today as part of the vertigo investigations. They could compare it with the test I had 4 years ago when I first had real issues with the vertigo. The result was that my right ear has an almost identical result - that is the one that has the worse hearing loss in it, I blame the big band jazz band I played in for a couple of years - I stood normally far stage right as you look at it and therefore my right ear was exposed to two drummers and a large row of saxophonists within feet of me! :-) The left ear, the side I have the tinitus and the side of my eye issues during my attacks however was actually slightly better than the previous result. That is to some point good news. If I have Meniere's then your hearing gets worse every attack on...

The car crash that is my well being at the moment continues to run its course. I basically have had a few bloody awful days. Friday I felt like shit all day - hugely stressed and feeling very inadequate. Saturday was better although I felt a bit unsteady on my feet at times. Also in the middle of preparing a curry for everyone I had a sudden real nasty tightening pain across my chest. Now I've had chest pain for a while and in good old male style just brush it off as indigestion etc. Sunday was a reasonably good day although I did veg in front of the TV for a lot of it watching motorracing. Monday not so bad apart from again one of those real painful crabs across the chest. I mentioned it to the family and consensus was that I ought to seek medical help. But then Tuesday and Wednesday weren't good mentally. The overwhelming anxiety that I've had briefly took complete control and and really did my head in. Even the simplest story on the news that had nothing to do w...

I go back to work tomorrow after my enforced break through this illness, coupling with the holiday I've actually not been in the office for a month! I have tried to have a look through my work emails today; what a mess!!! Things move quickly at work and looks like there is much I've missed. Honesty time... I've not been enjoying work much at all lately and I do wonder if the illness is stress related. I have been seriously thinking about leaving work, but as ever I'm pretty useless on answering the fundamental questions regarding what I want to do etc. I've been in the same type of job since I left school, i.e. IT related although I long ago moved away from the "coalface of technology" and became a manager in many guises. I probably have a load of skills I could translate somewhere else but I'm terrible at recognising that, I see myself as an IT Manager and that is about it. So I could take the plunge and leave where I am, but then I fear that if...

Slowly I'm feeling better. I had a bad attack on Sunday. I felt rough all day but persisted in going to an AA meeting with a friend which on reflection may not have been a smart move - never mind. Throughout the afternoon I struggled then in the evening a full blown attack although at the start the world didn't revolve as much more wiggled and went out of focus. Then I tried to stand up and that started the spinning game again. Still it didn't last as long. Monday morning Mrs F and my son recommended a "low sodium diet" from their research the night before into Meniere's treatments. So no bread, no ham which had been a staple of the diet on holiday to be honest and since we returned... if in doubt I'll have a ham sandwich. I'm now having crispbreads and honey. Well Monday I was very wobbly and the Tinnitus was horrendous. Tuesday morning the same and if I moved my head quickly to the left I was close to going straight to the deck. But then on T...

There is a possibility that this could become a Vertigo's sufferers blog frankly. But that might be, at the moment at least, somewhat negative so I'll try to deal with it as quickly as possible. I had the huge attack whilst on holiday which was quite frankly absolutely bloody awful. Since then I had an attack the day after we got back, I thought probably due to lack of sleep, the traveling, flight, fatigue of traveling etc. However I've not been right all week and had another bad attack Sunday evening. Luckily it wasn't as severe as the other two and didn't last as long. However the continuing of them and that I don't feel very good today isn't a good look forward thing is it. So Mrs F, my son and I have been doing some investigations... The medical opinion so far is that I have Migraine associated vertigo (MAV). This is the most common type and the headaches and way I feel afterwards point to that. However I had a nystagmus - weird flipping movement o...

Saw the GP - yesterday was another day of hell btw, I'm off work for 2 weeks. Okay - saw this guy busking in Cape God check him out. and go to http://www.myspace.com/benpegg for more. Brilliant... anyone want to either sign him up or get him over here to do some gigs?

I'm back from hols but far from healthy and rested... long term readers of this and the blog-that-went-before will know that I suffer from vertigo, not a fear of heights but where your balance, vision and hearing gets screwed up. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Well I had a massive attack, the worst I've ever suffered last week on hols, which lost us a day, me a night and the entire contents of my stomach several times and a huge doctors bill as Mrs F had to call out a doctor I was in such a bad state. I was a bit better later in the week and the flight home was okay which I'd been concerned about but today, first day back is awful again. Enough of my moaning, despite my health hassles the holiday was great, very busy and we all loved Boston especially my son who I think is seriously looking at moving there now. We stayed right next to the MIT campus and he would love to go there for post grad work. We'll have to see. More sometime when the computer scree...

About 7 - 6 years ago we had a young admin assistant in our dept who was very good, very efficient. I remember her as a very quiet, lovely girl (lady I should probably say but she's a lot younger than I). Sadly in one of our ever continuing downsizing episodes she left to work for a different department in the company. Sadly I heard yesterday that during the birth of her second child she has suffered a massive stroke and although now stable and begining to make the first slow steps of recovery she'll be in hospital for weeks and of course there is no knowing what her level of recovery will be. She is only 27. That may well be a blessing for her future recovery but makes you realise how grateful we should be just for the very basics of health etc. I was reminded of the BodyWorlds exhibition I posted about the other day - the wonder of life and health and our bodies and also the complexity and fragility of it all. Hug a loved one today (if a loved one isn't available hu...

I watched a programme last night about people who suffer with Tourettes . This was the third in a long running series following a Scottish guy that started with him living with his Mum and family in the 1980s when he was a teenager. In the subsequent programmes they have followed another sufferer who is now himself 15 the same age as John was in the original programme. I’m so lucky I don’t suffer with something like this illness and neither do any of my family, although it is a running family gag that Mrs F suffers from it particularly when she goes into a rant about someone, notably weather presenters. In the programme John the older guy was in near tears as he reflected on his extremely lonely teenage years when he couldn’t forge any friendships with anyone. He hasn’t been able to find a partner and he spoke about how just getting to work which is a 10 min walk is an achievement for him. He works as a caretaker at the local community hall and clearly takes immense pride in his job. Y...

I’ve not had much to blog this week really. Firstly I’m headlong into the new job now and trying to get my head around it. A colleague from Ireland congratulated me yesterday when he was visiting and said “So what’s the new role all about then?” I answered back with the spiel I’ve been using but then said “But to be honest I really haven’t a clue at the moment I’m trying to head my head above water”. He clapped me on the back and said I was the only honest person he’d asked that question of in his visit. The good news is however that the new role has some interesting bits to it, I’ve seemed to pick up some of our High Performance Computing bit – Grids and all that stuff. Not something I’ve done much with before but of great interest, what these Computational Chemists and Biologists do is very clever you know… As well as work being a lot busier home life seems to be a bit at 100mph as well. Last weekend we dashed to Wales to drop my son off back at uni – 600 miles in 2 days take...

Health is a relative term isn’t it? Are you healthy? Am I healthy? Well I feel pretty good at the moment. Firstly the problem in my upper back / neck that was giving me pain in my arms is a lot better than a few weeks back. However as regular readers will know I hurt my lower back two weeks back. It made a remarkable recovery I think given how I felt the 48 hours directly afterwards. It is still twinging a bit but not bad at all. I went back to swimming for the first time since then this morning and it was pulling a bit but was okay really. I need to do the funny exercises a physiotherapist gave me some years back. I’ll not go into detail but I look like a deranged cat in most of them – there that’s got some peoples imaginations working overtime no doubt. I had a cardiac risk assessment done recently, when I drank for years I had hypertension (high blood pressure) and was on treatment for it. As soon as I stopped drinking it came down. Now I’m “a little over weight” and my ...