I feel like I need to do that with myself - delete all previous settings, especially delete browsing history and start afresh with a clean install of Human 1.1a (Never buy 1.0!).
I saw an opening via someone on a social networking site - get me down with the web 2.0 gurus! Anyway late last week I put together a CV and winged it over to them via the marvelous internet - how did we exist 20 years ago? I had a really nice "chat" with the Chief Exec today on the phone. Problem is this is a bit of a speculative venture, an alliance of people, companies, institutions who kick around ideas until there is enough substance to turn that into a project normally for an initial proof of concept. At that point they need someone to corral the various interested parties to get a reasonable project brief and that is then hawked around to get funding from one of the members to kick it off. They need people to do that donkey work getting some consensus on the project look/feel/size/scope etc. and then produce the necessary documentation and start to promote it with the funding sources. If you get your project funded you get a percentage of the amount funded to you as a bonus. But the work is very part time really favouring someone who has other work on but some free time for this. If you get the project funded you are reasonably likely to land a longer term role probably 50% of your time running it through, if you desire that.
A bit of a leap of faith then from where I am, regular good income etc. to an impoverished state for some months with no guarantee of further work afterwards. Whilst the work looks really exciting and interesting, the part time nature and working from home (no more grey faced, head in book, earphones in train commutes) it doesn't sound like the right leap for me.
We actually officially launched the department I've joined yesterday - I know I've been here 9 months and it has only now got to that stage - changes in this venerable institution can be measured by techniques devised to look at tectonic plate shifts or coastal erosion! No doubt now we've broken cover in the new set up they'll be another deluge of requests I'll have to juggle in a very small and already busy team.
I read many recovery blogs and listen to many speakers at meetings and talk 1:1 with many alcoholics/addicts. One thing I find is that the vast majority of them are very positive about work, accepting of its necessary grind and happy to put their shoulder to that grindstone as part of their commitment to recovery. Can I be honest here? (It's my blog and I will be anyways) I have to say I'm rarely like that, I do find work, the daily pattern of rise at 6am on the 7:20 train, into work at 8:30, leave at 5pm on the 5:25pm etc. not a pattern of daily churn I'm happy to engage in but one I feel I have to struggle through as a burden. That is how I feel and because I feel like that I often feel really guilty about feeling like that - there are many without work at all, many with a job nowhere as good as mine in terms of what I have to do and the environment I am privileged to work in etc. But somehow I still can't look at those positives and turn my emotions from the negative to a positive gratitude. As the big book says I know the issue is me and my perception and reaction to the world - I can be as happy as I chose to be in this situation - the wallowing in self-pity and unhappiness is sadly too often my default option and one I use to justify other faults. As I say this cycle then creates guilt that ... etc.
Here is my diagrammatic view on this daft cycle I get into....