Wednesday, 30 November 2011

Grateful

I was going to post about the economy, the Chancellor's statement (Osborne, not Valorum, though you might think we've gone over the dark side given the perilous state of everything), the strike, the debt mountain - I started typing it on the way into work after reading the paper.   But frankly is was a miserable post that concluded we are all doomed, capitalism is reaching it's ultimate zenith of a small number with huge wealth and the rest of us fighting for existence from the scraps from their tables.  So I binned it - what's the point?

Now what is worth talking about is that I went to a meeting last night I've not been to in ages.  No real reason except that family circumstances make Tuesday less than ideal for me to be out that night every week.  I had been invited along by the secretary to be the speaker.  Now 6 years or so ago this was one of my "home groups" I was secretary myself and the guy who is now secretary was himself a struggling newcomer who couldn't sustain a fragile sobriety and went back out there for 2 more years of misery before coming back again.  He is now sober, well, healthy, working - in fact doing remarkably well in his job, got a nice place to live, a new girlfriend etc. etc.  A sober success story and a lovely, lovely bloke.

A lady came in for her first meeting.  she wasn't well, her husband had brought her.  As I started my story she became disruptive, she didn't mean it, she needed a drink or some pills, her husband you could tell was at his wits end.  Two of the regular female members of the group took her out of the room and the rest of the meeting was held with her wailing in the background.  I hope she comes back when of a mind to be receptive to it.  You don't turn up at an AA meeting in the first place if it isn't shit - it clearly was very shit for her yesterday.

Gratitude - I'm sober.  How?  Buggered if I know sometimes I just don't pick up a drink now - I know it'll make it all worse not better.  I like waking up not feeling like shit, sweaty, head pounding, hating myself and the world and picking a fight with the world from the moment I open my eyes.  I'm alive, I'm sober, I'm healthy, I'm warm, I have food in my belly and licence for my telly - to quote Paulo Nutini.  He goes on to say that "best of all I've got my baby".... well for me "best of all I've got my sobriety"  (I know it doesn't scan into the music - forgive me)  without that I'm nothing.  And at the end of the meeting "the promises" were read out as is tradition at many meetings...  now whilst I can't say "fear of economic insecurity" has left me or "the feeling of self pity" has totaly slipped away in that room with a lot of memories of my early sobriety with some influential friends I'd not seen in a while I did indeed feel that I've made some significant progress over the last 7 years or so... not perfection thankfully my ego has enough of it's own will but some progress to be sure.

6 comments:

  1. Well I'm glad you didn't do a post on the economy. It's all being said, all the time, all around us - there's almost nothing to add.

    At times when the macro is so bafflingly insane, the micro becomes infinitely more important. Hence your post was a fascinating, vivid and ultimately heartening piece of writing, which is more than I can say for much else I've read so far today. Thank you for that.

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  2. thanks for this...oh dear I was thinking of doing something on the day....might do it a bit different now!

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  3. That's wonderful to read, so glad you binned your original post, far to scary isn't it? If we were all grateful maybe things would be different, thanks for making me think

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  4. Great post. It means a lot for a newcomer like me to read that you're still feeling grateful years later, and also that you acutely remember the pain and suffering you used to go through. That is the thing that keeps me sober right now. I'll take it.

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  5. Your opening paragraph could have been talking about my feelings about California and the good old USA. Nice to know we're all equally screwed. Misery loves company, eh?

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  6. I love all the honesty !!!

    STAGG

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