Monday, 15 October 2012

Reminding me it is only a short time...

via the blog world I came across Saz and through her to her Mum Moanie.  I was an irregular visitor/reader/commentor on both blogs.  A while back Moanie announced she wasn't well - "the Feckler" as she called it.  Last week sadly Moanie lost her battle with it.

Everyday there are hassles, the everyday stuff of getting on with a job, doing the washing up, gardening etc. etc.  so many things that we "have" to do and how often do you get to the end of the day and reflect on where has any of that got you?  Life is short - I hope you make the most of yours today.  The AA programme has a lot about "living in the day", for me the endless negative projection I used to have was crippling and blinding, never seeing what was good around me there and then.  I have much to be thankful for and be happy about but my default position is to ignore all that and go into negativity.  Poor Saz and her family's loss reminds me that there was things I ought to put a touch more priority into.


I've just realised why I should be thinking this way - obvious really - it was the anniversary of my Dad's passing on Saturday, 28 years ago, and that was a Saturday then too.  It doesn't weigh too heavily now but it is still there - esp as I know that I've spent a lot of energy in my adult life trying to do things to please him, gain his blessing/approval and make him proud and of course that is all a bit daft and pointless given he isn't around to give me any confirmation on any of that.


  1. yes. we get those reminders on sad occasions, and i've been pretty good about taking those reminders to least for a little while. but then i go back to the stressing and fussing over relatively insignificant things. until the next reminder. and the older i get? the more frequent those reminders seem to be coming at me...

    sorry to hear of the loss for Saz and her family.

  2. Thinking of Saz and family.

    And thinking of you too: I don't think it is pointless. I don't think any personal discovery is pointless, regardless of what form it takes and where it originates from. And I have no reason to think that he wouldn't be incredibly proud of you, just as there are many others who are incredibly proud of you right now.

  3. Everyone needs a reality check. Pity parties are part of the human condition. It's best to recognize them for the waste of time they are and move on.

    Respect for Saz and family.

  4. When Kirsty's dad died a couple of years ago it hit me with a massive but delayed reaction, and I still think about him often. The lessons it taught me are similar to yours--be kind wherever possible; enjoy what you have, and above all, the people you care about. Because the lights can go off just like that.

  5. But are you still striving to please him because you want him to be proud or because you think he'd not be satisfied with you yet? If the former that's okay but if the latter then it's time to tell him to butt out.

    My mum died 40 years ago and I hardly think of her, I suppose because I didn't really know her. So at least I'm relieved of the pressure to do well for her.

    It's a good reminder to make the most of each day. So I'll go and slop in front of the telly now ...

  6. Great point Liz and actually you know - I'm not really sure I still know yet. When you spend so long from an early age doing something it is so engrained it is like trying to unlearn your native fluent tongue. It seems to me you dealt with you Mum's death appropriately at the time, you grieved you remembered you moved on... I don't think I ever did that with Dad. You add in a 25 year alcohol addiction for good measure and you arrive at the highly confused old sod I now am. I seriously should change the blog name to "None the bloody wiser!"

  7. thank you for this lovely tribute...your words are so true...lest we forget eh??

    it feels good to be meandering around here again...couldnt relax before, felt guilty for the pleasure and aware l was half waiting for a phone call every moment of the past year...

    saz x

  8. That is soo sad, I've visited Moanie's can be so strange sometimes...I can only hope Moanie's family will find their peace. I feel the same you do - living the day seems like the best option.